Time for your weekly edition of the Deadspin Funbag. Got something on your mind? Email the Funbag. Today, we're covering casual fans, racist neighbors, old porn, and more.
Your letters:
Kyle:
I'm guessing in MLB/baseball history, there have been pitchers who have been great hitters (Babe Ruth comes to mind), but in modern-day baseball, do you think we will ever see a pitcher who hits like .270-.300 consistently and isn't a sure out? I know recently there's been like Jason Marquis, Mike Hampton, and even Carlos Zambrano who have been known to knock one out of the park, but never hit for average.
According to
this study, there are a couple of guys like Zach Greinke who have managed to hover around .200, but they're few and far between. Pitching …
The three most likely NFL teams to move to Los Angeles—the Oakland Raiders, San Diego Chargers, and St. Louis Rams—will be staying where they are next season. All three of those teams have expiring leases with their current stadiums, but the NFL won't move a franchise to L.A. until a permanent site for the team is established. Here are the particulars, via NFL.com: The Chargers made the announcement earlier in the week that they are staying in San Diego next season, a clear sign that no one would be there next season. Had they thought another team could move to L.A. this year, they would've stayed in play. League sources confirmed this, saying neither of the other two teams whose leases allow them to move — the Rams and the Raiders are the others — will move this ye…
Millions of young boys around the world dream of one day making it inside Magic City, Atlanta’s internationally renowned strip club. Very few of those dreamers imagine it will be success in America’s bootleg soccer competition that will bring them there, but, for dreams, ends matter more than means. Fresh off winning the relatively obscure MLS Shiny Vase Trophy this past weekend, a handful of Atlanta United players proved as much last night when they were granted a place of prominence on Magic City’s hallowed dance floor. The strippers, who no doubt were previously completely unaware of the existence or identity of any of the soccer team’s “stars” until they stepped inside the door that evening, humored the players by showing the Shiny Vase a good time. From TMZ: Here’s …
And that's a problem, because Chane Behanan is still in college. Louisville lost in the 2012 semifinals to eventual champs Kentucky, and received their rings the next fall. At the time, Cardinals forward Behanan said "We're really hungry to go out and win a bigger one." They won it all in 2013, so Behanan apparently has no use for a participation award. As first noticed by Fox Sports Ohio, the ring purporting to be his is up for bidding at Grey Flannel Auctions. It features his last name on the side panel, and his full name engraved on the inside. The minimum bid is currently $605. The description doesn't say where the ring came from, and that very much matters to the NCAA—selling any memorabilia while still in school would be a violation. [Update, 10:32 a…
Way back in 2019, Twitter user @maplecocaine said that, every day, there is one main character on Twitter. Your goal, every day, is to NOT be that character. Enter Dawson Buchanan. Dawson is upset because he was terminated from his upcoming job at the private charter jet company PJS, which he was really excited about. They sent him a laptop! He bought new clothes! Unfair! Of course, Dawson views this as “bullying,” rather than what it is: a private company trying to protect its reputation and avoid having to explain to its customers why they hired a guy who enabled a malignant, mob-inciting fascist. Gotta hate that “at-will employment,” are we right? In fact, We’re pretty sure that one political party tends to support this concept more than the other. Who knew. And then,…
data-mm-id=”_y0xjf7jjo”>Colin Kaepernick is working out for NFL teams on Saturday, if you hadn't already deduced through scrolling your high school classmates' angry Facebook screeds. Stephen A. Smith, the most handsomely paid pundit at ESPN, had some reporting to share on the topic and did so on Golic & Wingo this morning. “Only Colin Kaepernick can mess this up, it’s beyond all that other stuff now.”-@stephenasmith on what he’s been told about Kaepernick’s workout in front of NFL teams Saturday. pic.twitter.com/zXer6qQeSD— Golic and Wingo (@GolicAndWingo) November 13, 2019Smith said he's been told directly that there are only two things that will prevent Kaepernick from having a job in the NFL. The first is fairly obvious: If the quarterback can't …
data-mm-id=”_nyn7rlzs0″>Derrick Henry powered the Tennessee Titans to one of the most unlikely playoff runs this decade, ending at the hands of the eventual Super Bowl champion Kansas City Chiefs in the AFC Championship Game. Henry's epic playoff stretch, where he ran for 446 yards and two touchdowns in three games, capped off an excellent season; Henry led all rushers with 1,540 yards on the ground and tied for the league lead with 16 scores. He was the best running back in football in 2019, and now he's a free agent. Henry will likely look for a deal worth between $13-16 million annually with at least $20 million guaranteed as the league's top running back on the open market. Given how the tide has shifted against paying running backs over the last five years, those nu…
data-mm-id=”_6jskpz9o4″>The NBA is still holding out hope that it can crown a champion. All options remain on the table and one includes the league returning to play a very short end of the regular season that would allow them to satisfy local television contracts. In that case, teams would probably have a single-digit number of games put back on their schedule.At this point in time, that sounds absolutely incredible. Sign me up. You want to do a three-game regular season follow by a single-elimination tournament to determine the 2020 NBA champion? When can we start?But who will be involved? If there is a truncated resumption of the NBA season then there are still a few teams jockeying for position and the 8th seed in the Western Conference is still up for grabs. That includes the New …
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data-mm-id=”_6542pimwf”>The Toronto Raptors were quite the surprise this season. Usually, when a player of Kawhi Leonard's caliber departs for warmer pastures, the spurned team takes a free-fall through the standings. Nothing like that happened in Toronto. Riding an elite defense, Kyle Lowry's grifting, and Pascal Siakam's first All-Star selection, the Raptors earned the second seed in the Eastern Conference before the season's postponement and held onto their title as one of the league's toughest teams to beat in the bubble. But it always felt like their ceiling was as low as their floor was high. Winning an NBA title takes a superstar, and the Raptors don't have that anymore. They didn't miss a beat once the season restarted in the bubble in Orlando…